Don't Turn Around
by Shadow of Arashi
Summary: Nope, I'm not dead yet, no such luck and I'm back with an angsty ToumaxSeiji songfic ! This one is for Lunar Despair, Wildfyre and Hiruma (dedication time !) Please bear with my mistakes, my friend who is helping me is busy so there must still be mistakes


Author's notes : Well this is one of my only ToumaxSeiji fics. At first I wanted to write it for Lunar Despair, but upon knowing what had happen to him (meaning losing someone dear to him), I don't know if I still want to dedicate it to him, because it's a sad story. But Lunar, if you still want of it, then it's for you. *smiles*

Disclaimer : I don't own Ronin Warriors or the song Don't Turn Around by Ace of Base or Gunning Down Romance by Savage Garden. The song is obviously Seiji's POV.

Warning : Yaoi and angst, for once there is no rape, no real bad things happening in one of my stories, I must be sick…

Don't Turn Around

By Shadow of Arashi

(I will survive, without you)  
  
if you wanna leave  
I won't beg you to stay  
and if you gotta go darling  
maybe it's better that way  
I'm gonna be strong  
I'm gonna fine  
don't worry about this heart of mine  
(just walk out that door  
yea see if I care  
go on and go now)  
  


"So you are sure about it, you are leaving ?"

Seiji said, his back facing his lover. Behind him he could heard Touma shifting nervously on his feet.

"Yes… I'm sorry Seiji, but you know I can't miss this chance, it may be the only one I will ever have. Please don't be mad."

The blue hair boy pleaded, feeling near desperate. He hadn't wanted things to be that way, he couldn't control them, and still…

He walked closer to his blonde love, and was ready to rest his hand on his shoulder when Seiji stepped forward, and away from him.

It hurt, as surely as any swords plunged into his chest. And it was his fault. His.

He heard Seiji sighing and then the blonde was finally facing him.

"I'm not mad at you Touma, you know me better than that. I understand really, I understand that you made a choice, and this choice wasn't me. I'm not going to force you into changing your mind, it's your life and I just want you to be happy Touma. And as such, I think it's best that you leave now, or else he will start worrying about you."

Seiji said with a small smile. Inside he was ready to collapse.

  
_but don't turn around cause you're gonna see my heart breaking  
don't turn around, I don't want you seeing me cry  
just walk away  
it's tearing me apart that you're leaving  
I'm letting you go  
but I won't let you know, I won't let you know  
  
_

"Seiji…"

"Don't worry about me Touma, I know that's what you always wanted, so don't miss your chance love."

The blonde whispered, eyes locking for the last time with his blue hair lover. Touma opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, shaking his head. 

Seiji looked up at him, almost begging him to leave.

/Please Touma, don't made it harder for me than it is already ! Please leave now, I don't want you to see me crying, I don't want you to see me breaking down because of you…/

As if hearing the blonde silent plead, Touma turned on his heel and left the room, closing the door behind him, not looking back.

Once the door was closed, Seiji dropped onto the floor on his knees, holding his head in one hand, paled and gasping in what could only be shock as a single tear slide down his cheek.

  
_I won't miss your arms around me holding me tight (holding me tight)  
if you ever think about me  
just know that I'll be alright (I'll be alright)  
I'm gonna be strong  
I'm gonna be fine  
don't worry about this heart of mine  
(I know I'll survive  
sure I'll make it through  
and I'll even learn to live without you)  
  
_

Seiji wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, his heart hurting him so much he had to hold his chest.

/Calm down Date, it's neither the moment nor the place to break down. You can't let Touma know the true./

He told himself, still trying to catch his breath. When he managed to slow his fluttering heart, he shakily rose onto his feet and walked to the bathroom in a daze.

There he opened the faucet and taking some of the cool water in his hands, splashed his face with the water. 

/I can do it, I can live without him, I have to. I'm stronger than that, I will be fine, if not now, in the long run./

He told himself, and even as he watched his reflection in the mirror, he knew he was wrong, more than likely.

He had gotten used to have Touma by his side no matter what, the nights spent alone finally forgotten in the warm embrace of his love, snuggled into his arms, and now he will have to deal with life alone once again, with only his memories to keep him warm inside. 

_don't turn around cause you're gonna see my heart breaking  
don't turn around, I don't want you seeing me cry  
just walk away  
it's tearing me apart that you're leaving  
I'm letting you go but I won't let you know  
  
_

/Damnit why ?! Why did it have to happen now ?/

Touma screamed in his head, holding his bag in his hand, his whole body shaking, his free hand stilled on the handle of the front door. He couldn't believe what he was doing. It was his dream, all he ever wanted, and today he could have it, but at what price ?

/Come on Touma, get a grip on yourself. You heard Seiji, he said I could leave. Doesn't this departure is tearing him apart like me ?!/

Touma's eyes darkened, and he pushed the door opened, stepping outside of the house. He glared at the bright sun, accusing him in his dark mood.

Then he walked toward the car where his father was waiting for him, not looking back.

/This is what I want, I finally have the attention I wanted from my father, he is going to take care of me./

Touma kept repeating those words in his mind, willing them to be the true. And it was, in a way. His father wanted to make up for all the lost time, and had took a break from his work to have his son near him.

This in itself wasn't much of a problem, what his father was asking from him was.

  
_I wish I could scream out loud that I love you  
I wish I could say to you "don't go"_  
_as he walks away he feels the pain getting strong  
people in your life they don't know what's going on  
too proud to turn around, he's gone  
  
_

*flashback*

  
"Seiji, I'm going to live with my father. He… he said he wanted to finally be a true father for me."

"Well… it's a good thing for you Touma. Isn't that what you wanted ? So why are you looking so sad ?"

"…He wants me to leave, for good… he wanted to introduce me to one of his colleague's daughter Seiji. He is expecting me to stay near him, take over his job and marry that girl. I can't say no… I can't…"

"…"

*end flashback*

Seiji watched as his lover walked toward the car from his window, his face pressed against the glass as a tear gently slide down his cheek. 

How he wanted to run into his love's arms and screamed "I love you, please don't go, don't leave me !" at the top of his lungs, but he couldn't. It was not something he could do, no matter how much he wanted to.

Touma had chose, and he had to accept it. He was no longer a part of the blue hair boy's life.

don't turn around cause you're see my heart breaking  
don't turn around, I don't want you seeing me cry  
just walk away  
it's tearing me apart that you're leaving  
I'm letting you go  
  


Funny isn't it, how sometimes the people you though you know are the one who surprise you the most. Of the two of them, it had been obvious for their friends that if one should leave, it would be Seiji. Always proper, formal Seiji who could only obey his family. 

What a joke. In the end, it was Seiji who break free, and Touma who bent down. Seiji almost laughed at the irony of it. Now he could understand the meaning of this song he had heard not so long ago. 

_I'm gunning down romance_

It never did a thing for me 

_But heartache and misery_

_Ain't nothing but a tragedy_

How true it was… And there was nothing he could do now, as he watched the car taking his love away, nothing but praying he would made it, and that he would be able to pick up the broken piece of what was left of his life and bleeding heart.

  
_baby don't turn around  
don't turn around  
just walk away (just walk away)  
it's tearing me apart that you're leaving  
I'm letting you go  
don't turn around  
don't turn around  
just walk away_

OWARI

Author's notes : Eck, what a depressing story… poor Seiji, I did it again didn't I ? ^^;; And yes I know, Touma's reaction may seems unrealistic but so many people wrote Seiji doing this kind of thing that I told myself, stop ! He is not the only one, and since so many people like a Touma with a trouble relationship with his father, why not using it ? You see the result… Now I wonder, should I just jump from a bridge ? Am I hopeless ? *sighs*


End file.
